Quetiapine Diary: 1 Month

May the mindless verbiage resume; I have once again found my voice. The last three weeks have been rather interesting, and have indeed thrown a number of challenges my way. Firstly, for about a week I found myself faced with an illusory barrier that was rendering me linguistically incapable, at least in the written form, to the extent that a simple task such as composing a shopping list became a daunting endeavour. The concept of object association was disregarded as my brain replaced the words ‘potatoes’ and ‘kitchen roll’ with ‘socks’ and ‘cactus’. My envisioned future as a domestic goddess was rightfully put on hold. Such confusion was rather uncharacteristic as I rarely struggle with the difference between kitchen utensils and desert shrubbery, although I’m pleased to say it has proved to be a temporary infliction. I have yet to explain why it was I was having such difficulties when it came to writing anything down, it simply felt as though I was trying to use my entire vocabulary at once in an extremely disjointed and oddly random manner, resulting in pages and pages of notes that make little sense but are rather entertaining.

One significant improvement I have noticed over the past month has been that my mood swings have levelled out to a far more manageable rhythm. The raging waves that I was once at the mercy of have calmed to a far more pleasant ripple. However, amongst the calmer waters I have developed an abnormally short temper which tends to flare up at the most inconvenient of times. Despite this and previous hesitations, I have thankfully been able to return back to work which has been both a blessing and a curse. Being back is great; I love the people I work with and being a waitress can really be great fun, but living and working in a village in which I arguably have such a tainted history with has thrown up its fair share of surprises. Within the past few shifts alone I have served ex-boyfriends, ex-bullies, and even a man who was convicted of assaulting me after he beat me up while I was walking home from school one day. I was 13 at the time. I’ve changed a lot in the last 7 years so naturally he doesn’t recognise me anymore, but unfortunately I can’t say the same about him. Emotionally speaking you could say it’s been a rough week, but I’ve found I have a lot more control over my swings and can overcome even the most painful of circumstances to maintain a relatively level head. The secret seems to be to keep myself busy, active, and focused on the positive, allowing myself to indulge in all the little things that make me happy such as playing my guitar and doodling to my heart’s content. Sometimes life is all about the distractions.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Quetiapine Diary: 1 Month

  1. Bless you. I hope your situation only gets better and the medication proves worth taking. I’ll leave with this: You are not your disorder and though hard it may be, do not allow it to take over and trick you into thinking that is what you are. You are a kind and thoughtful person who is troubled with a disorder – but you are not person that it temporarily makes you become. Good luck fighting your demons, I know you can do it. x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tanya, you have such a wonderful way with words. Thank you so much for your kindness, and wisdom beyond either of our years! You’re a fiercly strong person and I truly admire you for that x

      Like

  2. I am so happy for the report back and this is only the first month. The second month may bring more improvements. I remember going thru the crazy’s while starting some drugs. One I still take at a lower dosage now brought on rage. There were times I wanted to run people of the road. That may settle down as your body continues to adjust to getting directions from a pill. You took the first step and many more, I’m so proud of you. Those first steps are the hardest. Going back to work was a huge leap, put yourself out in front of people who know you, possibly even judged you in the past. You are on the right track and even if the wheels come off or you get a flat, you now have more inner strength. Have you started school? Thanks again for the update. I’m rooting for you across the pond. 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you my fellow bear from from across the pond 🙂 I can only hope the improvements continue throughout the following months! It’s always nice to know I’m not the only one going through the crazy’s, and I can certainly relate to occasionally wanting to run some people off the road. Thankfully I’m keeping a pretty good handle on things at the moment, so it hopefully it’ll get easier and easier to deal with. And you really hit the nail on the head when talking about going back to work, it really did feel like quite a big step. I start back at university in September so I imagine that’ll be the next big hurdle to overcome 🙂

      Like

  3. Wow, when I used to take quetiapine it’d do some wicked rearrangement of my wordage too. Each night my daughter would want to stay up and hear what strange things I would say. “The dog has a banana for a hat” was one such gem apparently.

    And remember: the cactus goes on before the shoes 🙂

    Like

    • It’s so nice to hear I’m not the only one who’s having such hilarious side effects! And I can’t argue with your daughter, that one is definitely a gem. Thank you for the most wonderfully practical advice I’ve had in a long time 🙂

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s