The Long Road to Diagnosis (Part 1)

So it all started last October when I found myself hurled in to a depression I’d never felt before. It was now a month in to term and up until that point I couldn’t have felt happier: I was studying what I loved, I had met some wonderful people who were quickly becoming close friends, and I was loving every second of my new found independence. I felt invincible. On reflection this was most probably another symptom I had failed to spot in the moment, but at that point I had no reason to. At the time the elation felt genuine and so very justified by the circumstances that it raised no suspicion whatsoever. Then it hit me. I started to fall in to a place of darkness and isolation at an alarming rate; each day waking up feeling more and more distant from the rest of the world. Friends became strangers, hobbies became burdens, and passion for life itself began to die away. I couldn’t make any sense of it, and amongst it all this was one of the hardest things to come to terms with.

The strange thing was there was a certain familiarity about the situation. It’s no secret that I’ve suffered from depression before, having spent 2 years enduring a crippling condition that left me physically and emotionally fatigued on a daily basis. There were good days and bad, but the simple fact was that the majority of time I didn’t have the energy left in me to be happy. I think perhaps it was the persistent pain that really took the greatest toll on my mental wellbeing, and I was nothing but grateful that I began to recover shortly after finishing my A-levels. There were definite parallels between how I felt then and how I was feeling now, but still I was left with so many questions. What had triggered the depression this time? Why was this all happening so suddenly? It was frightening. I had lost all sense of control and even the memories of how content I had felt only a matter of days ago became fleeting. It was obvious something was wrong, but it would be a little while yet before I could begin to take steps in trying to understand what exactly was going on.

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6 thoughts on “The Long Road to Diagnosis (Part 1)

  1. Best wishes, Rachel, stay strong and keep posting – it will undoubtedly help someone else as well as educating those who have no experience of depression.

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  2. Its great to see that you are so strong and went through it all alone, I had experienced situations when my friends suffered from depression and I know how hard is and how it can change your life from day to day. Well done for this site and its important to help those people who cannot fight it themselves, keep going and best wishes!!!

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    • Thank you Angelina, your comment put a great big smile on my face!! I’m sure your friends feel very lucky to have you there for support, it really can make such a big difference! And I’ll be sure to do my best to keep writing.

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  3. Rachel, I think this is fabulous and very brave. Many people will suffer alone, as you’ve experienced. This may well help others to talk or seek help. I wish you lots of happiness in all that you do. You’re family must be so proud of you:) x

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